Transformers: Dark of the Moon
UP
Amazing special effects and computer graphics animation make this movie visually palatable. The sound design and editing is equally as good as the previous movies in the series, and, to top it all off, the explosions just keep coming. They’re relentless. Around every corner, under every Autobot, in LaBeouf’s car: explosions. Everywhere.
DOWN
Unfortunately, that’s all there is. Explosive nothingness. You could take an existential route, but it would be hogwash. This movie might as well be called Hollywood: The Practice of Pyrotechnics and Product Placement. There are countless products in this movie, each of them brandished for all the world to see. If you don’t get a chance to go see it, then you should at least video conference someone who is watching it, via Cisco’s amazing new technology. While you invest in Waste Management. Whose stock surely rose after this film opened. How could it not? It is in nearly every street shot. The plot is thin at best, the acting mostly tiresome, and Michael Bay’s antics become increasingly (and almost unbelievably) difficult to watch.
GO, WAIT, OR SKIP
Skip this one altogether. It isn’t even worth a rental. The movie nudges three hours in length, which is enough to make you lose your religion and your sanity. All for the wrong reasons.