The Golden Compass

God can only descend from the flies so many times in a polar bear outfit before one begins to question the quality of the story.  So, from the writer of such classics as Nutty Professor II: The Klumps, we see an attempt to produce a quality fantasy film to rival the Narnia films.  What we get, though, is another story, and one which will bring tears to most fantasy-loving eyes.

The movie begins with a narrator telling us the background for the story, what the golden compass really is, why it’s important, why the story itself is worth telling.  I bought it.  The graphics were good, the narration simple and unadorned, and the concept intriguing and fantastical, exactly what I wanted out of this movie.  But that’s where the simple, unadorned, intriguing, and fantastical elements seem to stop.  At least with any positively insightful, creative, or entertaining outcome.

For one thing, the quality of the writing (read ‘storytelling’) is unashamedly poor, and the acting doesn’t help.  The only really good acting this movie offers is from Daniel Craig and Sam Elliot – the former’s character is ostensibly large, but ends up having less than twenty minutes of screen time, which is a shame really, because no one else in the film seems to remember that they are actually in a film, and need to act accordingly.  Pun very much intended.  The only small exceptions would be Dakota Blue Richards, in her good moments, and the voice acting of the Ian McClan: Ian McKellan and Ian McShane.  I don’t even know how that happened.  To make matters worse, Nicole Kidman has gone from mediocre to dreadful.  Australia was a pathetic, self-absorbed style of acting, which is both inartistic and full of loathing, on both sides of the screen.

If that wasn’t bad enough, we realize that this story, however great it might be in novel form, has not translated well to the silver screen, or at least not nearly as well as all the other fantasy series that have made the same transition, such as Narnia (well, half of this series at least) or Harry Potter (they’re all good and seem to keep getting better, like the books).  A very large and daunting aspect of these films is their CG abilities, and this movie, for all it lacks, does not lack incredible CG.  The polar bears, the flying ship, everything looks very well constructed and verisimilitudinous.  The drawback is in the execution of the storytelling itself, which lays waste to the fantastic graphics’ ability to intrigue or entertain us.

Like a lot of movies, this one is not without its social commentary, and we hear it loud and clear.  The atheistic community wants everyone to know they don’t like religion and are in favor of free thought.  We get it.  The Magisterium is religion painted black and blue, so don’t miss it.  It is, in matter of fact, very difficult to miss it.  If you do, it was probably only because you were asleep or throwing up.  Both are acceptable responses to this film.

It has great CG, a handful of good acting (but mostly just mediocre or bad), laughable writing, overt social commentary, and God in a polar bear outfit.  What more could you ask for?  A good movie is one possible suggestion.  Philip Pullman did all he could, I imagine, and it was taken and ripped asunder by the filmmakers.  Skip this one.  And any that might attempt to follow suit.

Rating: 1.5/4 Stars